mulletratio.com

i have a hard time admitting when people are important to me. i'm not the big badass you think i am (or don't think i am). my confidence gets confused for coldness. i am not intimidated, but i am always affected.

i hold no grudges, and i've ignored you long enough. if you care enough to read this, you deserve to hear it.

1. thank you for your apologies, i accept them sincerely. you destroyed my peace of mind at my job, and that's why i refuse to speak to you. i feel your pain through compassion and i now understand why you did some of the crazy ass things you did. i will never agree with them, though, or trust you again. that is not how you treat someone you are "in love" with. your love is dark and you reacted to everything with a permanent marker. you ruined my chances completely and that is why i'll never give you the same in return. i hope you understand and i wish you the best. also, on a honest note, photography is not for you. try advertising instead because you've always been good at getting attention.

2. you used me, and i used you. i know you're sorry and you should know that i am too. i have not contacted you because you are a leech. hanging out with you for a day might cause me to file bankruptcy after i buy you cigarettes, booze and dinner everyday for a month.

3. you were lovely when i first met you. you brought me out of the shell i still had my foot wedged in. you were also the perfect example of everything i didn't want to be. i haven't heard from you since the day i told you i'd never talk to you again. i hope your newborn son helps heal your pride and void.

easy as 1,2,3. and yes, i've had a couple screwdrivers.

content has been created, recreated & spell checked. i think it's pretty obvious where you can find it. lights, camera, action?

lately i've had this really eerie feeling that everything is going to come crashing down, and all it is going to take is one little stupid pebble to trip me.

silly, yes. emo, naturally. but i'm not fucking kidding. i have dreams about people i don't know and have never met. places i've never been to and music i've never heard. how does your mind create people and faces and voices like that? when i have these dreams i am not a part of them. i am watching.

this fairy dream mother i seem to have is fascinating and frightening at the same time.

a friend of mine has really in depth dreams, too, and she has been popping up in mine. more like lingering, really. we rarely connect in these dreams but are always in eyesight.

i don't know what it means, but i think this is why i feel this way. i don't do heavy drugs, either, btw. case closed.

so much static in the air today. i'm blocking out the noise thanks to my street pharmacist.

one thing i've learned this last month: feelings change with the seasons and karma has rained down on those i once cared deeply about. the overflow has left me damned.

in the last 6 months i've gotten apology letters from almost every person that has screwed me over in the last 2 years.

i must be doing something right.

mmmm. blogging, writing, text, it feels good. i probably haven't written a real blog on any of my numerous networks since i took a hiatus from this place.

it's hard for me to write on myspace because i feel like i'm putting too much out there. maybe because people always beg for comments there i feel like another attention whore.

facebook has turned into what i like to call "jesus myspace." almost every single person i went to church with growing up has added me and i am a different person now while they are holier.

livejournal is like your best friend. when you don't want to admit you are going through something, or have a problem, you avoid them at all costs because they know when you're lying and can see past your bullshit.

tumblr is perfect for photos and quotes, but long text is not pretty.

& twitter is too short and to the point. it's like a txt message. when someone asks you what's up you don't write back "feel like slitting my wrists, stabby rip stab stab" and call it a day. that's how you get yourself baker acted.

so i'm back. ily blogger.