mulletratio.com

i am 22 years old. i work at outback steakhouse in the infamous "villages," where i sell my soul regularly to retired senior citizens in the area for a good tip. i've written enough of these mini life stories to know that the basics, to you, are probably all that matter. nice to meet you.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

 

brilliant.

call me cruel, but i have the most brilliant ideas when i first wake up and am too lazy to care about anything. it takes me about an hour to wake up. i think that's how long it takes the feelings in my heart to reach my brain cells.

a little pug showed up at my front door when me and melissa got home the other night. at first i thought it was cute, but it really isn't. it's loud, it sounds like a squealing pig, and it constantly gags on it's extra large pug tongue. today, we were going to post flyers before i accidentally had this idea.

two houses down from us lives this couple with like 5 dogs. the dogs try to jump the fence when i let melissa's dog out in the morning. they have a couple small dogs, too, so i figured i would see if she belonged to them in the most indirect way possible. if she didn't belong to them, i at least figured they wouldn't send her away since they clearly can't say no to dogs.

so once upon a time little pug wondered over to neighbor's house. the dogs living there freaked out, and just as i assumed, the owners came out. a couple minutes later i walked around the corner and saw a lady holding her, smiling ear to ear. i yelled "not my pig dog, is she yours?" she shook her head no. "i don't know" i said and she laughed. i smiled for other reasons and went inside to start a new day without the pug.

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Comments:
My neighbor has 5 little yappydogs. They scare my kids. They sh1t in my yard. Their yapping invades my dreams like pinworms.
 
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